Today I called the nurse at my oncologist to see if they had my biopsy results and they did. As the doctor suspected I have Hodgkin's Lymphoma. It's nice to finally have the actual diagnosis and be able to know for sure that we are dealing with Hodgkin's.
I went on the internet and started researching treatments for stage IV Hodgkin's Lymphoma because I wanted to see how my plan compared. My doctor has always been so optimistic about everything and assures me that he thinks we can beat this but today for the first time I was really scared. I started reading about how these 4 chemo drugs were the new norm for treatment and I am only receiving 3 of those 4. I think my doctor doesn't want to overload me if it isn't necessary but I'm already at stage IV. I'm just so worried that somehow I'll get worse and possibly die. I don't want to die. I don't want to leave my son without a mother. I read that the survival rate after 5 years is 65%. That number scares the hell out of me.
When Sam got home I talked with him about it and he made me feel a lot better. He reminded me that I need to stay positive and that he is here for me no matter what. I seriously don't know how I'd survive without this man. Just his presence has a way of making my anxieties dissipate.
I can't let the fear of the unknown cripple me. I have to take things day-by-day and remain positive. This is just a chapter in my story. Cancer can not and will not be the end of me. I am a warrior.
Peace. Love. Fuck cancer
Make sure you advocate for yourself with your doctor and see why they're not doing the standard treatment. When I was diagnosed with Wegener's vasculitis, I was really bad at asking questions and advocating for myself, but my mom made us get a second opinion, and did lots of research, like you are doing, to ensure that I was getting the treatment I needed. So if you haven't already, definitely follow up with your doctor! It can't hurt to have them, at the very least, explain their rationale for treatment. It'll make sure your case is always fresh in their minds. It's awesome you have a great support system! You got this and your positivity is definitely going to play a huge role.
ReplyDeleteAlso, your blog is great, and I'm thankful you're sharing your experiences with everyone this way. It's very enlightening.