Chemo #10

Yesterday was chemo 10 of 12 which means ONLY TWO MORE TO GO! every time seems to get harder. My fatigue, soreness and uneasy stomach are definitely the worst they have been. I've only really been getting up to use the bathroom and have had to rely on my mom to make me food. I woke up with a headache and terrible Heartburn this morning. Luckily the headache went away after I drank some water and the Heartburn actually got a little better after some chicken noodle soup. I hate being hungry but nauseous. Nothing sounded good to eat but the soup definitely helped get my appetite going. I think I'll use a little THC so I can eat a bit more. The nausea seems to subside when I get food in my stomach. That's all for now.

Peace. Love. Fuck cancer

Still not sleeping

So the past two nights I decided to try melatonin to help me sleep. It helped me fall asleep but definitely did not help me stay asleep. Last night I even used ear plugs but they didn't make a difference. I just don't understand why I'm not able to stay asleep. I'm going to try to find some slow release melatonin pills and hope those work. I don't know what else to do without taking prescription drugs.

Peace. Love. Fuck cancer

Today is one of those days...

I'm so tired of being stressed out. I can't remember the last time I got a full nights sleep. Like, seriously, it has been YEARS. I can't shut my mind off. It just runs and runs. I finally fall asleep and in a couple hours I'm wide awake again and my mind is racing. I'm usually able to fall back asleep for a little while but there are many mornings where I can't. Plus, I need to have perfect conditions to fall asleep. I need an eye mask so absolutely zero light gets in, I need the fan on so it isn't stuffy but I also need the weight of a comforter and I need dead silence which means I need to sleep with a pillow over my ears. I look at people like my husband who can pass out no problem and I just don't understand. How can people just sleep?
It doesn't help that I had a dream that I didn't like. Basically in my dream Sam and I were supposed to be hanging out but he kept leaving and I'd find him hanging out with other women and flirting and I even found him shirtless once. I know it's just a dream and it probably has to do with my insecurities but it just stressed me out so much! I woke up feeling nauseous because I was so upset by it and I HATE it.
Today just sucks! I have to pay bills, deal with annoying insurance issues and everything just seems to be going wrong.
Just breathe. It'll all work out. Tomorrow will be a better day. Blah blah blahhh.
Sorry to anyone who read this long rant.

Peace. Love. Fuck cancer

So close to the end!

I woke up with a terrible headache and was so tired I couldn't get out of bed. I just layed there for hours hoping to feel better. I eventually was able to get myself up and in to the living room. I'm trying to keep myself very hydrated but it's hard when I don't feel good. Mom is making me some pasta and hopefully eating will make me feel better. This headache makes it hard to think.

Peace. Love. Fuck cancer

Chemo #9

Today was chemo #9. Only 3 more to go! Everything went well but I'm super exhausted and really sore. It hurts to just get up to go to the bathroom. I'm too tired to think right now so I'll update again tomorrow.

Peace. Love. Fuck cancer