Thankful

I have so much to be Thankful for. My treatment is going as good as it can, I've got a beautiful family and I'm alive! Last night I was thinking about giving a big speech today about how grateful I am for each member of my family and friends. I was going to say how lucky I am to have been welcomed with open arms and how helpful everyone has been. I was going to say that Sam, Jude and I are so thankful and appreciative of everything everyone does to help us. But... I can't even write this without crying so I don't know how I'd say all this and every thing else I want to.
I love each and every one of you.
Thank you thank you thank you
Peace. Love. Fuck cancer

Chemo #6

I'm halfway done I'm halfway done I'm halfway done! Today was chemo #6 of 12 and I'm feeling pretty good. I got a little nauseous for a few seconds when I was getting the red devil. Luckily it subsided quickly and the rest of the treatment went fine. I'm feeling pretty tired and sore already so I'm taking it really easy. I don't want to over do it today since thanksgiving is the day after tomorrow.
Hopefully I'll get around to posting again tomorrow.
Until then...
Peace. Love. Fuck cancer

Zzzzz

So far I haven't felt bad after this chemo except for the extra fatigue and muscle aches. I feel like with every chemo that goes by I get more tired and more achy. It's so bizarre feeling this run down when I hardly do anything. Sometimes I probably over do it but it's really hard not being able to do regular things anymore. I'm almost half way done though!
Jude is taking a nap and it's a gorgeous day so I decided to bring my easel out on to the porch. I definitely need to do this more often! It's so relaxing out here and I think I should take time every day to do something zen like painting.

Peace. Love. Fuck cancer

Chemo #5

Yesterday was chemo number 5. Everything went really smoothly. My port wasn't clogged and taking away the 4th drug cut down a little on the time. As I was waiting for Grandaddy a woman receiving chemo began to have a seizure. They were short one nurse so I ran for help. One of the people at the front desk was able to help me find the oncologist and they acted quickly to help her. I was again reminded how lucky I am to be so healthy throughout this. It still doesn't seem real. I had virtually no symptoms of the cancer and virtually no side effects from the chemo and I am mostly cured. There are so many millions of people out there really suffering through this disease and many people who do not live. I am so amazed by my body and it's ability to get me through the smoothest pregnancy and delivery while unknowingly having cancer and then getting me through chemo.
I am feeling good today besides being sore, tired and having hot cheeks. I know that bleomycin was what was making me a little sick before. I'm so grateful that I don't need to take it anymore.
This morning our neighbors puppy, Charlie, escaped through a gap in our shared back yard fence and was hit and killed by a car. I feel so guilty for her death. I brought a gift basket, white roses and a card to her owners but feel like I should be doing something more. I'm so saddened by this loss. Both of my dogs loved her, especially Brady. They were definitely  in puppy love.  She was such a sweet little pup who didn't deserve this and her owners are such nice people. I'm so shocked and heartbroken, I've just been thinking about them all day.
So many ups and downs the past week- I just hope it ends on a good note.

Peace. Love. Fuck cancer

Feeling ecstatic

Today I got the results of my PET scan and it came back almost completely clear!! I am so fucking happy! I have been worrying non-stop about this for weeks. I was always hoping for the best but expecting the worst. I just still can't believe I'm almost cancer free! I get to stop one the four chemo drugs and just finish my treatments to be safe.

Peace. Love. Fuck cancer!!

Rant

I'm so exhausted! My entire body is sore- I feel like I just did a triathlon. We took Jude trick or treating yesterday and I wore a pair of shoes that are about a half size too small for my giant gun boats. We weren't out long but I ended up with blistered, sore feet. I had done some laundry and planting in my new garden earlier in the day so I was already pretty sore. Today I really needed to finish the laundry and sort through my clothes which took a lot out of me.
Our dog, Brady, turned one yesterday. He was a little shit when he was younger, as are all puppies, but he has become very mellow and awesome lately. I've been so impressed with how chill he usually is for such a young dog. He does have his quarks though. He loves chasing anything that moves. If he sees a person they must be greeted. Sometimes he pees a little when Sam tries loving on him too hard. And no matter what you put in his kennel, it will be eaten. We tried giving him a nice comfy dog bed but he tore it open and ate the stuffing. We tried letting him sleep on blankets, towels and sheets but he tears them to shreds and literally eats them. We finally gave up and he's just been sleeping on a piece of plywood. You can think I'm a bad dog mom for doing this but we literally had no other choice. I figured he'd eventually grow out of it but he recently tried to eat the sheets right off the guest bed when my mom let him sleep with her. For a while now we've been noticing a strange smell in the house. It sort of comes and goes but we are never able to find the source. We've cleaned the house over and over without finding what could cause this stale fart scent. It has been driving me crazy! We tried air fresheners but my husband is a freak and is very, very picky about what scent air freshener we can use and we can only have it plugged in for a few minutes before he freaks out and says it's too strong or smells funny. Today the fart smell was back and it was very strong! It seemed like it was coming from Brady's kennel so I went to investigate. I lifted the dark piece of plywood to discover mold and a lot of liquid. It turns out Brady has peed in his kennel a few times. The fart smell must be strongest after he pees in it and then eventually the wood soaks it up or it evaporates. Ugh. I'm already exhausted and then I discover this as we're about to leave the house. I had to drag his kennel outside and spray it down with the hose. I put baking powder and vinegar in it and let it soak while we ate dinner with Kathy, Dan and Keith. Luckily that took care of the smell but it really wore me out. I definitely overdid it today. That damn dog drives me nuts but he's so dang sweet.

Peace. Love. Fuck cancer