late post

I have been meaning to post for a while but I keep forgetting. I look at my computer and say "I need to do a blog post later" and then later comes and I completely forget or it's 10 and I just want to go to bed. This "chemo brain" is real. I sometimes just completely go blank and forget what I was going to say or forget someones name for a second. It's especially bizarre for me because Sam is so forgetful and I'm always the one having to remembering things for him. I've also been having a lot of trouble sleeping. It takes HOURS for me to fall asleep and then I'll wake up randomly and be up for hours trying to go back to sleep. I've always had issues with insomnia but it's especially frustrating right now because I'm physically exhausted after doing things that were no big deal before. Going to the grocery store has me needing a nap but I can't sleep.

A few days ago my mouth was really painful. I had a few sores and no matter what I ate or drank it burned and would send pain shooting into my jaw and sometimes ears. It went away the next day thankfully although, I still have some sores. They aren't really painful anymore and as long as I stay hydrated my mouth is okay. I'm just so glad this is all I have to deal with so far.

My hair is starting to fall out. If I rub my head a lot of hair comes out and my head is getting patchy. Buzzing it helped because it's making the loss a little less dramatic but it still sucks seeing my hair slowly go away. There are many great things about not having hair though. Here is a little silver lining list:
1. Don't have to spend money on shampoo and conditioner
2. Don't have to brush it
3. Can drive with the windows down and not look crazy after
4. Soooo much less hot
5. Hair doesn't get tangled in my sunglasses when I wear them on top of my head
6. Jude can't pull it
7. My sleep mask doesn't slide off or get tangled

I've tried to find new ways to feel feminine now that I am losing my hair and I decided to start wearing makeup. One of my very best friends since I was a youngin', Amy, has been helping me figure out what I need and the best brands to buy. I text her while I'm at the store and she tells me exactly what to buy because I'm completely clueless. She also sent me a bunch of youtube tutorials to help me figure out how to use all this stuff, I discovered that I love purple lipstick! I didn't think I could pull it off but it actually looks pretty great. I'm going to a wedding tomorrow and I really want to feel pretty. I've got a nice dress to wear and I've been trying to find a headband that looks good with the buzzed hair.

I feel like this whole post is pretty random and disjointed but whatever.

Here is me trying to do my makeup for the first time...

Here is the process of buzzing my head...

And here is the patchy top of my head.

Peace. Love. Fuck cancer