I AM IN REMISSION

I was SO nervous going in to my appointment today. My stomach was in knots and I wasn't sure if I was going to shit my pants or throw up. My oncologist was running a little behind so I had to wait for what seemed like forever. When he walked in the room he smiled and I instantly felt relief. He told me my scans looked great and he was thrilled. A HUGE weight was instantly lifted off my shoulders and I was so happy I was shaking! He said I can get my port removed as soon as there is a spot open! I'll need to do some follow up blood work in 3 months and then another PET scan 3 months after that. I'll need to do routine blood work for a few years but that's it!
Words can not describe the joy I'm feeling right now. I feel like a whole new person! Cancer picked the wrong bitch! This still almost doesn't even feel real to me yet. It's very slowly sinking in that I'm done. I did it. The nightmare is over.

Peace. Love. FUCK CANCER!

PET scan

On Friday I had a PET scan to see if the chemo worked. I get my results tomorrow and I'm extremely nervous! The PET scan after my 4th treatment showed the cancer was almost gone but I'm terrified it could have come back. I need to do something to keep my mind off of it for a bit.

Peace. Love. Fuck cancer

Chemo #12

THAT'S RIGHT FOLKS I HAD MY LAST CHEMO YESTERDAY. I was unusually nervous before going back to the transfusion room but I got to have Sam with me for my last one which was awesome. I put together some gift baskets for my nurses and doctors and they were all very happy and thankful. Having their positivity throughout my treatment has really helped me stay in good spirits and I felt like I needed to do something to thank them. My husbands grandma's cousin sent me some of her goat milk products for the gift baskets. It was important for me to give a gift that would be useful and safe. I love love love my goat milk soaps and lotions and the best part is these goats are milked by Caroline and then the soaps are made by her. Every ingredient is something you can actually pronounce and they are sooooo much better for you than the chemical filled soaps you buy at the store. I even use the soap in the shower and wash my hair with it. There are bunch of awesome scents all thought up by Caroline. Check out TLC goats and buy some of this awesome stuff!
I'm feeling okay today. Pretty run down but so excited to be done. The scanxiety is setting in though. I'm trying to stay really positive and hope that my scan is clear and I'm in remission but I'm also a little worried my cancer came back. I get my PET scan on the 24th and follow up the 28th. I just have to keep telling myself "you're okay. It's over. You're going to be fine."

Peace. Love. Fuck cancer

So close to done!

I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping. My anxiety is crazy and I can't stop thinking about how close I am to being done. I just keep thinking about the things I could do when I'm finally better.
I can't wait to start yoga and build up strength so I can get back to working out. I had just started when I was diagnosed. I thought the back pain I had been feeling was in part caused by running on an elliptical. It probably had put a lot of extra stress on my L3 and could have helped cause the fracture.
I know the process might take longer than I'd like but I'm excited to feel like myself again. My biggest fear at this point is that people will have unrealistic expectations about my recovery. I'm afraid I'll be expected to magically be normal again after treatment but truth is I will never be "normal" again. I'll most likely have side effects from the chemo for years to come. I've heard stories from many people in my support group about how even 3, 5, 10 years after treatment they still have symptoms. My body is weak and tired and it's going to take a lot of work to get it back to a "normal" place.

Peace. Love. Fuck cancer

Chemo #11

I wrote a long blog post yesterday but it didn't save!
Anyway, I'm feeling okay. I woke up with a headache and kind of nauseous but was able to smoke and eat and feel a lot better now. I still have a slight headache and I'm sore and exhausted. Buuuuut, ONLY ONE MORE TO GO! My oncologist said two weeks after my last chemo I can get a mani/pedi, massage and drink a celebratory glass of champagne. My final PET scan is scheduled for the 24th and I'll have the results the 28th! As long as it comes back clear I'll be able to get my port removed and move on with my life. I'll still have to have regular PET scans and check ups to make sure the cancer hasn't come back. I can't wait to have a little more sense of normalcy! Getting my port removed will mean I can be a little more mobile and can get back to working out. I'm typically a stomach sleeper so I'm excited to be able to sleep comfortably again. I'll never be normal but I can't wait to get to a comfortable place and get back to focusing on my family.

Peace. Love. Fuck cancer