I'm so tired of being stressed out. I can't remember the last time I got a full nights sleep. Like, seriously, it has been YEARS. I can't shut my mind off. It just runs and runs. I finally fall asleep and in a couple hours I'm wide awake again and my mind is racing. I'm usually able to fall back asleep for a little while but there are many mornings where I can't. Plus, I need to have perfect conditions to fall asleep. I need an eye mask so absolutely zero light gets in, I need the fan on so it isn't stuffy but I also need the weight of a comforter and I need dead silence which means I need to sleep with a pillow over my ears. I look at people like my husband who can pass out no problem and I just don't understand. How can people just sleep?
It doesn't help that I had a dream that I didn't like. Basically in my dream Sam and I were supposed to be hanging out but he kept leaving and I'd find him hanging out with other women and flirting and I even found him shirtless once. I know it's just a dream and it probably has to do with my insecurities but it just stressed me out so much! I woke up feeling nauseous because I was so upset by it and I HATE it.
Today just sucks! I have to pay bills, deal with annoying insurance issues and everything just seems to be going wrong.
Just breathe. It'll all work out. Tomorrow will be a better day. Blah blah blahhh.
Sorry to anyone who read this long rant.
Peace. Love. Fuck cancer
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